It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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