the day after is always just damage control
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
