My friends, they love my intelligence
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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