i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You dont lie about slip and slides
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
