forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
