i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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