I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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