well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
