Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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