my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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