"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
