Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
