The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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