drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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