All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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