fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
