Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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