Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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