your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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