toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
