I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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