Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
