heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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