You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
