Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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