I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
