i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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