shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize