Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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