So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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