If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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