i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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