Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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