3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
