I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
