hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize