I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
