DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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