she looked like the bat from fern gully.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
