I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize