I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
