Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
