New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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