My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
