its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
