Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
