I just pynch a tree in the face
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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