you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
