Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
