I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
