i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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