He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
