Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
