I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
