we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize