Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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