Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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