"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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