In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize