I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
