his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
