So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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